And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nutella sex= disaster
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
