Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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