Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
