and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's blow job season.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
