Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
