I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
