He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
