Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
