My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
