Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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