Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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