So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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