The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
