just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
