I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
