i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
