At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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