My sheets look like a crime scene.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
