it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
