i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
FUCK WHALES
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
