uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
