i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
