I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
