Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize