Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize