She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
