Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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