Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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