I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my liver is dry heaving
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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