By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
