My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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