Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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