tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
