theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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