Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
