He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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