Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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