there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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