I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
