Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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