i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
