oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
