The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
