I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
