pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
