I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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