This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A+ Viking dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
