I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
