Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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