i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
