I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
