I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
