id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
