dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
