I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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