I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she smelled like a LAN party
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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