Plan B is the new Plan A
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
