it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
