Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
