u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
