then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
