we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
