I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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