she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
