There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
