if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
