didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
