He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
