FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
