sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He passed out mid-signature
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
