but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
