i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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