Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

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(419): View more from Ohio

who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.

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(940): View more from Texas

Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah, that was you

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(951): View more from California

DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness

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(623): View more from Arizona

Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol

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