But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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