she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know her cup size but not her name....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
