I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
