My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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