he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
