You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
