went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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