how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
