No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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