Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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