did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A bitchslap is in order.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
