Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
