He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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